honesty

So I fully realize that being REALLY open & real in the Christian blogging community may not be a popular thing to do. It won't win many friends. It may turn some people off. Maybe a lot. But guess what....I struggle. I am a Spirit-filled Christian who struggles. And I will admit that. It's a very scary & vulnerable thing to do. But I also believe it's very brave.
I marvel at people who can fully live out the call of Christ on their life (even be SO SURE of what it is!!)and say how easy it is, how peaceful it is, how they never worry, are never afraid, and are never depressed. Because POOF...Jesus solves all that. Over. Done. Saved...and now joyously happy forever. Oh they might toy with those feelings for a second...but then they are instantly convicted, Jesus gently reminds them not to be so foolish, and then POOF. Done. Joyous again. How could they have ever been so silly?!
No doubt. No questioning. No rebellion. No questions.
Really?
Interesting.
Because for me, it's not like that at all.
I worry. I fear. I struggle. I hurt. I'm tempted. I doubt. And I REBEL. I procrastinate. I question. And...I also get sad and downright depressed at times. In fact, for example, this morning my heart was in turmoil....AGAIN, I might add...about an issue that POOF...should've been "solved" years ago. I was looking for some verses in the Bible and was drawn, like I usually am, to the Psalms. Particularly the ones by my good buddy David. Ahhhh. A melancholy, messed-up, CRAZY up & down man if I ever saw one! A man after God's own heart...yes, and he is definitely after MY own heart too cuz I relate so well to him....but also one struggling, prone to depression, highs & lows-galore dude. Really.

A sampling..."To the Lord I cry out, and He answers me from His holy hill"...."Answer me when I call to You O God, give me relief from my distress!"...."I love You O Lord my strength"..."Strike all my enemies on the jaw...break the teeth of the wicked!" ..."You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil"..."Be merciful to me O God, for I am faint..O Lord heal me, for my bones are in agony..my soul is in anguish"..."O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!".."I sink on the miry depths where there is no foothold...my eyes fail, looking for my God."..."I will praise You O Lord with all my heart...I will rejoice and be glad in You!"..."How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?"..."You have rejected us, O God, and burst forth upon us...You have been angry"..."The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love"..."The Lord is faithful to all His promises..and loving toward all He has made"..."I am still confident of this..I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"..."My heart is in anguish within me, the terrors of death assail me..fear and trembling have beset me, horror has overwhelmed me"..."Have mercy on me O God, I call to You all day long...bring joy to Your servant..."

Yep, see that drama?? This guy is raw. This guy is honest. This guy is REAL. Love it!!!! David is definitely not afraid to not only pour out his human heart to God...in all its depressed, irritated, frustrated, impatient, glory....but also quick to praise Him when he realizes where all His emotions are healed, renewed, satisfied.....in His God. His Savior. His joy. His strength. His vindicator.

This gives ME strength. It gives me courage. His raw honesty gives me hope. And makes me sigh in relief as I realize...I am NOT alone in my humanness. I am not alone in my crazy mood swings! And most of all, it brings me the comfort & peace I need.

Not that I will instantly...POOF...be transformed into having a perfect, stress-free, contented life...but that I am at least as"normal" as David.

And that I, too, can be called a woman after God's own heart.