Lessons from the Treddie

I think I've mentioned that God speaks to me most when I'm running on my treadmill. Probably because He has my complete attention when I'm crying out to Him to help me finish. :D Anyway He gave me some doozys today...

~The pain I feel when others reject me (the hardest pain for me!!) is the pain He feels when people reject Him. (Ouch.)

~He wants to be everything to me that I am searching for. I spend a lot of my time reaching out, trying to get others to give me what I need. But He is right there, ALWAYS, ready to offer it. Now I am human & it's not quite that easy all the time. It's SO easy for people to throw out there "God is all you need. Rest in Him." Living that way is pretty difficult though, particularly for me. So this is the lesson He gave me to learn AGAIN today. And it's the one that made the tears flow. Cuz I've been struggling so much lately, chasing people who will never be able to meet my needs, using relationships to fill me that God never intended for that purpose. I need to quit running & chasing after futile things, and rest in Him. Tough lesson. Still workin on it. :)

~He will not reveal His purpose for me, or bring it to fruition, till I begin to accept His gifts as just that...beautiful GIFTS from Him, intended to fulfill His will for my life and His kingdom. The enemy works SO HARD to convince me that my calling is not really my calling...or tries to twist amazing pure things into evil tormenting temptations. Honestly, I fall for that way too much. Too many trips around that mountain. But I will never reach the promised land until I give this calling to Him and let Him have His way with it. (HIS way, not mine!!)

Gosh this post is full of spiritual cliches. Hope you could see through all that mess to the point. ;)

holding pattern

I'm always caught in a crazy mix of being content with where I am, and reaching for something more. I know God wants more for me in some areas, but I've been stuck in a holding pattern of not being sure how to get there for so long. In pondering all this today, I wrote this...


my heart is torn
existing here
but longing
reaching for
what I cannot see

things I cannot control
draw this to me
time & time again
when I run
it finds me
when I forget
it reminds me
and I wonder
will it ever end

sweet relief would be
fulfillment of my dreams
but release never comes

seeing the end
but never reaching
never finding the path
never knowing the way

so I sit and wait
and rest in You


I do write songs, but this isn't one of them...it's just random feelings & emotions that come out in a poetry of sorts...random poetry I like to call it. ;) Anyway, I've written lots of stuff like this, some eventually get tweaked & formed into songs that RHYME (cuz in my world, songs must rhyme :) )...but some stay in this form, just for me. Somehow I know I'm gonna want to go back some day & remember what I felt during these times.

Hopefully when God's promises are fulfilled. :)