giving up

OK God...I give up. Again. I've given up control to You so many times. I've been gritting my teeth and obeying something I don't even understand. But oh....my heart has NOT been in it. I love You, and that is why I obey...even when it makes no sense.

Answers would be wonderful.

But they never come...nothing concrete...and so I just walk it out, a day at a time, as best I can. I try my best to follow what You seem to be telling me. But I don't get it. And that makes it harder.

Blind faith.

I can't do this alone. I can't handle it without You. I need Your strength to keep going!! But I also can't walk into emptiness. If I let go, I need something to reach for. Please bring it soon! Please ignite my passion, in equal and GREATER amounts, for something new. And then please confirm that I'm on the right track!

Because beyond all this, there are whispers in my soul. There are connections beyond words. There are deeper meanings that keep being revealed. And that is what makes me confused.

How long??

I need wisdom. I need discernment. And I need Your help in moving forward. Because I'm sick of dwelling on the past. The one thing You've made abundantly clear is that I need to finally put my past to rest. I am where I am for a reason. I'm ready to leave my ashes behind and receive Your beauty.

Please show me what that is!!

Isaiah 43:18-19 The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening.