I'm sick of trying to get people to love me who have no clue how to...and who really don't care.
I'm sick of kidding myself.
I'm sick of regretting my past.
I'm sick of feeling dumb for every single thing I do.
I'm sick of being angry at someone who hurt me so bad, and who now doesn't even seem to care.
I'm sick of thinking everyone's making fun of me.
I'm sick of sleepwalking through my life.
I'm sick of being afraid of trying.
I'm sick of letting my past fears rule my future.
I'm sick of thinking the impossible can't happen to ME.
I'm sick of watching everyone else get what I want.
I'm sick of life being so hard on the inside, when from the outside it looks like everything's fine.
I'm sick of closing myself off to those who could be my friends because I'm so afraid to trust again.
I'm sick of feeling alone.
I'm sick of feeling alone, yet choosing to close myself off.
I'm sick of being confused about my purpose.
I'm just sick....sick of the enemy paralyzing me, sick of being a slave to my addictions, sick of craving approval from others, sick of living the way I've been living.
Somehow, someway....
I want to get better.
10 months ago
6 comments:
as the song goes... "all you need is love...love..."
and ya know what...I just scrolled down in your other posts to see you already posted this. How funny...I hadn't read your post from Oct. 23rd until NOW...so I think you already know what the answer to your "sickness" is.
I don't know if you've ever had the opportunity to sit down with Patty B. from church...but I HIGHLY recommend it. She's an amazing listener...also an amazing mediator for you and Holy Spirit. It sounds like you have a lot of rejection issues and I truly believe that God wants to heal you of these...and Patty is wonderful at accelerating that process. (I see her...for many of the reasons you posted in your post yesterday.)
If you don't have her info and you want it...let me know...I'd be happy to tell you all about the "experience". :)
In the meantime...I'll pray that you are able to find the source(s) of those bitter roots and rip them out...and replace them with love and forgiveness...grace and mercy...so that you can move on and be the strong, fearless, loving person God created you to be!
You're sick....I know a Healer :)
Sounds like a breakthrough is coming!
Thanks Jen! I REALLY appreciate your prayers. There's a lot of issues I need to work thru very carefully, and with someone I totally trust...and as is very clear, I have some "trust" issues at this moment in time. ;) But God is working on me, I just need to let Him. I totally trust His ways & His working. And especially, His timing. I'm going back & forth as you can plainly see, around this crazy mountain....but each time He is leading me a lil different, a lil deeper, and closer to a purpose. I just KNOW it.
Ohhhh Linda, I truly hope so....it's always darkest before the dawn....and lemme tell ya, I've gotten really close to the darkness lately. But I know that I know that I KNOW....God is faithful. He won't give me more than I can handle...bad OR good. I can see Him working. I NEED to trust He has a plan...it's just ever so slooooooow.....
Kay ~ do you know who Patty Bouchard is? She does "inner healing"...she's a "therapist"...but not a therapist. She works for God (and in His economy too!). If there was ever a person you could trust...ohhhh honey, it'd be Patty B! If there was ever a time to take a leap of faith and try to built trust in one person without knowing him/her...it'd be PATTY B.!!! I kid you not...she's amazing. She won't let you down. This I can promise. God will reveal things to you through her that maybe you never considered...or maybe you need to hear (again) from someone else (along with ways of working through whatever problem(s) you have).
Patty B. has heard it all before...she's worked with a lot of people who have some messed up pasts (me, included, LOL!) and she never judges or condemns. NEVER.
Seriously...pray about this one...I think you could make some serious progress if you'd open your heart to her and just try to trust her. It's mostly prayer therapy...she prays...a lot...and she uses Biblical truths to explain and work through the issues.
She trained through the Elijah House in Grand Rapids (along with a few other "schools" teaching inner healing)...and deals with EVERYTHING from rejection/fear and anger issues to abortions, divorce, generational curses, depression/anxiety, breaking bad soul ties, sickness, etc.etc. The list is loooong...so I'm pretty sure nothing you say will shake her. LOL :)
Seriously...if you don't know who she is or how to contact her, let me know...you meet with her at the church (her office is to the left of the stage in the sanctuary)...and she's *very* affordable (like I said, working in God's economy!).
Thanks Jen. I know God will lead me to just the right place/right person, at the right time. :)
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