Forgiveness...to Healing...

Luke 6 :27 "But if you are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. 28 Pray for the happiness of those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give what you have to anyone who asks you for it; and when things are taken away from you, don't try to get them back. 31 Do for others as you would like them to do for you. 32 "Do you think you deserve credit merely for loving those who love you? Even the sinners do that! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, is that so wonderful? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, what good is that? Even sinners will lend to their own kind for a full return. 35 "Love your enemies! Do good to them! Lend to them! And don't be concerned that they might not repay. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for He is kind to the unthankful and to those who are wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
37 "Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven. 38 If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving – large or small – it will be used to measure what is given back to you."



Forgiveness. It's something I've had to deal with on a certain level all my life, but I never had much of a problem with it. I'm a naturally forgiving person. I hate conflict, can't stand when people are mad at me. So it's easy for me to give in and smooth things over, for the most part. (Well, in every area of my life but my marriage, that is. When it comes to my hubby, I'm very stubborn & hate to give in! ;) ) I've pretty much gotten along with the people in my life, and I'm a likeable person. Actually the few times in my life when I've had to wrestle with forgiveness were in some pretty major situations. One of these, on the smallest scale, was about a year ago. A friend of mine, who I had known for about 3 years, did some things that pretty much ended our friendship. There were issues of trust, and betrayal, and mistreatment that had gone on for far too long. Certain events happened that were simply unfixable. I could have given in till the cows came home, and actually she asked me to, but the hurt was never dealt with. It was glossed over & dismissed. The more I tried to fix it, the worse it got. So I had to let go, give her to God, and end the friendship on my part. I didn't know for how long. But God told me to walk away. And almost a year later, we still have not spoken. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We were close...in the end I realized we were way TOO close, too soon. I trusted her with a lot of my heart, before I even knew if she was trustworthy. Which, it turns out, she wasn't. I've never been real careful about the friends I choose...in fact, I believe God is the one Who brings certain people into our lives for a reason. But not everyone is meant to be a close friend. A wise man chooses his friends carefully, the Bible says.

So, onto the process of forgiveness. This has been a really tough journey for me. She had such a hold on me through manipulation that I felt physically sick when I made the decision to stop communication, after a brief email explaining why I was being silent. The days and weeks that followed were very hard. But God kept assuring me I was doing the right thing, and that He was holding me, even as my comfort zone was falling apart. All I needed was Him, and I clung to Him desperately! One decision I made early on was to pray for her. And not just the obligatory prayers, but I began to pray abundant blessings over her, her family, and her life. This was NOT easy. I frankly didn't want her to be blessed! I didn't want harm to come to her, but I wanted her to be miserable without me, come to her senses, beg for my friendship back, and do a complete turn-around in how she treated me. Guess what? Never happened. I chose to keep my opinions of her & what had happened to myself, confiding only in a few close trustworthy friends who weren't acquainted with her(and therefore, nothing I said could harm their opinions of her), instead of spreading them around on the internet, harming her reputation. It was difficult, especialy since she was doing just that to me. But God kept assuring me I was doing the right thing. And I clung to that in my pain.

The other day a situation came to my attention, as has happened several times in the past year, that this friend is indeed being blessed. See, part of the problem was, she was using me in a way, to further herself. And it turns out, it's worked quite well for her. The things of mine she tried to get, she got. And even better than I had, in some instances. And may have harmed what I have in the process. So my dilemma is this. How mature am I? How strongly am I holding on to God's promises? This brings me to the verses above. I knew the "pray for your enemies" part...I knew the "do good" part. I knew to "bless and not curse." But even as the first step is praying for my enemies to be blessed, isn't the next step logically to know how to be happy for them when they are? Well, through my angry tears, this part dawned on me yesterday. And it was a MAJOR breakthrough for me. A huge step in healing my broken heart, which is still reeling from my loss. Can I really be that bold, that unselfish? Can I really leave it to God to work it out and not try to "vindicate" this myself through bitterness and envy in my own soul? Cuz I know that is counterproductive anyway. That will only hurt ME in the end.

God promises in these verses that when we give freely, and do not expect anything back from others, He will, in turn, bless us. And abundantly, in ways we can not even begin to imagine, even more than we can fathom! As Joyce Meyer says, based on other Scripture, He will give us "double for our trouble"! This is particularly healing for me in the areas which she has stolen things from me, cuz I'm not sure if they will ever be restored. That makes it more difficult. But those who have wronged us can never pay us back. Only God can. And in being obedient...by praying, and blessing & not cursing her...I am able to claim those promises. Now to THAT, I can sincerely say, PRAISE GOD!!! :)

It's been tough to recover from this. I am still learning how to not close myself off, but also to be careful and wise in friendship. This can make me seem unfriendly or rude at times, I'm sure. But I've learned a lot about boundaries, and who I am in Christ, and how to never let anyone control my life but Him. I am always learning. And again, I know that those whom God sends to love me will understand. So far, He has made it abundantly clear. :)