Prayer Warrior

Last week I was watching Faith & Fame, a show on the Gospel Music Channel that's kind of like a "Behind the Music" for Christian artists. This episode was about Amy Grant. Now, Christian music has been a big part of my life since I was about 13 years old. And Amy Grant was my gal! LOVED her! Back then, in Christian music, there was pretty much her, Michael W. Smith, Petra, and Stryper. And my church never approved of Christian music (long story, I'm sure I'll get into it someday..but I went to a Lutheran church that pretty much thought that anything outside of our particular branch of the denomination was evil.) So, anyway, Amy was my hero. I wanted to be just like her. Went to church all my life, but her music was a turning point for me. Me & God were tight, but her songs showed me how to have a real relationship with Him. My first step of learning to fall in LOVE with Him. Changed my world....and I looked up to her like no one else. Well fast forward quite a few years, as many of you know, there was the whole divorce issue, how she divorced her first husband Gary Chapman (who I also LOVED!) and married Vince Gill. I was furious about that for a long time. During the time she was "friends" with Vince, I was living down in Nashville(lived there bout a year & a half...more on that later too no doubt..) and the gossip down there was that they were seen around town together, A LOT, when she was still married, acting totally inappropriate. And I remember thinking, "why isn't anyone confronting her on this??" So yeah, the divorce was final, she remarried, and I judged her for quite awhile. Many deep issues inside of me caused this to hit a big nerve. But as I watched the re-telling of her story on TV last week, it hit me. I didn't hold it against her anymore. I didn't judge her. It hit me HARD......had I ever prayed for her back then? Prayed for her faith? Prayed for her marriage? I had been a fan of her music, bought the T-shirts, gone to concerts, dreamed of meeting her....but had I ever spent time on my knees on her behalf? So how on earth could I judge her? And what burned me too was, hearing again how badly she was judged by the Christian music industry. Pulling her music off the shelves, cancelling shows, shunning her. It made me wonder...how many of THESE industry people ever said a prayer for Amy Grant? They knew what she was going through....they were the ones "gossiping" about her & Vince. Not confronting in love, but talking about it in shameful tones...and releasing pictures in papers & such.

Prayer for artists has always been a passion for me. I believe that every person who has been touched by the music of any artist should be blessing them back by lifting them up in prayer. Yes, the music is all about God. Their ministries point us to Him. But how often does anyone think about how much sacrifice is involved on their part? Marriages can be strained, families are kept apart for days on end, both by touring and studio time. The industry shoves them thru the ringer, time & time again, with obligations, appearances, album deadlines and vigorous touring.....and then when their faith proves tested, they abandon and judge them. That's more reality.

This prayer calling was birthed in me when I discovered a group that no one had ever heard of before, called DC Talk, in 1989. Once again I reached a turning point in my faith. Their songs, written by a young man named Toby, inspired a love for God in me on a whole new level. And in a style I had already fallen in love with(in secular music, which I was uncomfortable with because of my strong convictions) called rap...hip-hop....urban music. Plenty of it here around Motown. :) But these songs not only had the beat I loved, but lyrics that drew me closer to God and His love for me. Once again I was hooked. And once again I looked up to the one who God had used to reach me. But this time, God was nudging me further. I began praying for the songwriter. My eyes were opened to real life, how hard this lifestyle must be. I met Toby in 1991. We talked for awhile & became friends over the years, since I kept praying, writing him encouraging letters, attending shows & supporting him....being a friend he could trust...thru the dctalk years, thru now the tobyMac years, up & down in the natural career highs & lows. He is truly my brother in every sense of the word. And honestly, prayer is a beautiful thing between friends. God shows me exactly when I need to pray and what to pray for. I feel a literal burden. And I've experienced the joy of hearing from him how my prayers are felt, at just the right time, and have made a difference. People have NO IDEA the impact their prayers can have....when an artist is struggling in their own faith, their own life, their own marriage, their own family. When the passion isn't there. When the creativity is gone. And yes, when insecurity and doubt, giant darts thrown by the enemy, are sent to pierce their very souls. My mission is to be the shield that protects his heart. And prayer is a blessing we ALL can give.

In discussing this with a friend awhile ago, I felt God nudging me further in this. Maybe I'll write a book or something. Because I believe people should know. There are real people behind those songs that touch your heart so deeply. God has given these musical gifts to some of the most wonderful and talented people for YOUR benefit. Thank Him for that today. And next time the music stirs your soul, send a prayer up for the one who wrote it.

Bloom Where God Plants You

I used to see this saying everywhere when I was younger...around college-age..."bloom where God plants you.." It made NO sense to me. My mom always thought that was funny. "That is perfect for you! And you don't get it?" Nope. Not a clue. She tried to explain that it meant we are right where God wants us, and if we are content with that, we will bloom and blossom and grow in His best for us. Also, not to wish you were somewhere else. Or want what you don't have. Which, as I stated before, was always a weakness of mine.

That being said, the point of this blog is cliches. Spriritual cliches. Christianese. The way a lot of Christians talk. Especially in churches. I've never been a real "Praise God!!" type of person. I didn't grow up in a church that said those type of things...but even when I started going to churches like that, it seemed very fake to me. OK I believe there are a few people who naturally talk like that, and MEAN it. That's totally cool. But when I hear fake sing-songy voices saying "oh that's WONDERFUL!! Praise the LORD! Thank You JESUS!!" well.....I'm wondering, do they honestly say these things from their heart, or are they trying to sound "spiritual" and puffed-up? I honestly think that new Christians have so much to learn, and maybe they think they're SUPPOSED to talk that way. And if they don't talk that way, they're not godly enough. Oh that saddens me. I'm here to say, that is NOT TRUE. It is possible to love Jesus with all your heart, live only for Him, and never utter a "Praise God" for weeks upon end. :) Christ died to give us freedom, along with salvation, of course. And He destroyed the barriers between us & God, so we could be ourselves with Him, to come to Him in our broken reality. I guess it all ties in with the "acting perfect" thing. We are not talking to impress people, we are called to speak words of truth that will build up & encourage. REAL words of truth, not feel-good, sound-good cliches with no depth that don't help at all. We are speaking TO other people, to bless THEM, not ourselves. Once again, just be real. Everyone is different. Speak in a language people can relate to. Speak the WORD to them, and then show them how it applies to their life...your real struggles & how God has ministered to you. I've been a Christian my whole life. My relationship with God is REAL. Good, bad, AND ugly. I don't always address Him as "Father God...Most Holy One of Israel...Lord God my Savior....I praise You...I thank You...I worship You...You are so good...." He knows these things already. And He knows I know them. He wants me to bring Him my HEART, the nitty-gritty stuff, the deep-down junk, my real self, warts & all. So that's how I talk to Him..."Lord, help me...show me....this hurts.....what's going on here...I don't understand...I'm not happy with this...You've disappointed me...I love you so much, but I don't get it...what are you doing??" My Lord, yes. My Savior, yes. But my Friend, my Father, my Brother, My Lover? Oh most definitely! REAL. Honest. Open. Safe. But most of all...real. So this is how I talk to Him. And when I pray even in a group setting, I speak from my heart. Personal. No fancy words, no spiritual phrases, nothing to impress those around me. Forgive me, but that is another pet peeve of mine. Talk to HIM, not anyone else. Others in the room should never matter. Prayer is deeply personal between you and God. It's not the time for fanciful phrases. "Wow that was a great prayer!"...wait a minute...doesn't that sound funny and not right somehow? It should. People were impressed...but was God? We shouldn't even be seeking His approval when we pray. He can't love us any more than He already does. We already have His approval. He wants our HEART, our communication...honest...open. No one else matters in that moment. Just us and Him. I believe people need to SEE what that real kind of relationship with Jesus looks like. Or there are countless people who will never feel "good enough" or "spiritual enough" to ever talk to Him or measure up to others in the church, who they perceive as "spiritual" and have it all together. We owe it to each other to drop the pretenses & be REAL.

I understand that I may strike a nerve with all this. But I've spent a few years observing God's people, and I honestly don't believe there's much of this reality out there. People are too afraid to speak the truth. But I really have nothing to lose. And I hope it lets some people off the hook so they can relax & enjoy their relationship with God. :)

Oh...and "bloom where God plants you"...? It IS true.....you really should.... ;)

I'm weird (isn't everyone?)

So, already, I'm blogging again. I feel the need to say, that I titled my blog what it's called for a reason. I intend to be real. Very real. Like, maybe even shockingly real. It's just who I am. I'm not fake in any way, shape, or form. And actually, fakeness is my pet peeve. I'm not interested in the pretty public faces people wear to hide their true selves. So many times I want to say to people..."come on...get real....tell me how YOU feel, what you struggle with...you're not fooling me. No one is perfect." And really, we're not called to be. As Christians we are called to bear each others burdens. Well honey, how can I carry your burden when you're acting like you don't have any? :) Yeah, so, I'm real. This is me. My kids are brats sometimes(a lot of the time actually..) I yell at them & they yell at me. I'm lazy. VERY lazy. And sloppy. Did I mention sloppy? Ask my hubby bout that..LOL.... I get very emotional. Sappy even. I can drive people nuts. Sometimes I'm shy to the point where people might think I'm snobby(definitely not!)...and sometimes I need to be the center of attention. I'm a recovering control freak. I have an uncanny ability to get people to do what I want them to...without their even realizing it! Yeah...charm & all that. I can even be manipulative....which my "big bro" likes to call "persuasive."
If you want a list of my good qualities, yes...ask the men in my life. Number one, of course, being my hubby. I swear he never has a bad thing to say about me. He's the sweetest man in the whole world, and loves me for who I am. He thinks everything I do is "cute." :) And hey, we've been married 15 years, which I'm proud of, if you haven't noticed.....but BOY have we been through some junk. Our first year of marriage was a killer. And I'm not talking "you left your socks on the floor!" kinda stuff. I'm talking heavy stuff. But, by the grace of God, we are together today, happy & stronger than ever, and with the joyful wisdom that only comes from learning through fiery trials. We fight though....we are definitely not perfect. We yell, we throw things. Reality. I have a temper, a bad one, that God has tamed through the years. It has NOT been easy. But God can do the impossible....that's always been my favorite Bible verse..."with God, ALL things are possible!" Wow.....He has sure proved that in my life. I've done so many "impossible" things & He has blessed me so much. More reality though...I'm whiny, & jealous, and veeeeery envious....I throw too many pity parties, and I always want what I don't have.
But as Joyce Meyer (who God used to change my life!!) says..."I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be! I'm OK and I'm on my way!" That's definitely my motto. I'm weird. I'm crazy. I'm wacky. (Like everyone else!) Cuz being normal is just boring!! :)

More to come from my messy house...scuse me while I go yell at my kids & wait for my hubby to come home so I can yell at him too... ;)

Brace yourself!!

OK well, this is it. I've been wanting to create a blog for a really long time, and here it is! I used to blog a lot on myspace, but the drama there got to me. I'm sure there'll be an upcoming post about that! :) Really though, I miss blogging. I need a safe place to vent and to be myself. We'll see how this goes!

Today I'm a ball of mixed-up emotions. I have so many thoughts running through my head & feelings racing through my heart that I barely know where to begin. When the moods hit me, I write....not only bloggy-things, but songs and also poetry. Some I might share here. Don't even begin to think on them too much or do any interpretation. My writings can be taken many different ways. And the only one who truly knows their source and meaning is me. :)

More to come....maybe MUCH more, who knows! ;) In any case, I meant it....brace yourself..... :D