cuz I SHOULD...

I kinda feel obligated to do a year-end blog, since I've done one for the past few years...and so, it's become somewhat of a ritual. After spending almost a week sick in bed tho, I'm pretty much worn-out and empty of any coherent words of reflective wisdom...I think...

However, I would like to capture this moment in time, because this past year was a bit of a whirlwind, emotionally. Not any huge mishaps or crises or milestones, but a lot of quiet lessons learned along the way. I have timidly opened my heart up more. To be accepted and loved, and to be rejected and hurt. But I think I've accepted the hurts more. It makes the love that much sweeter. I've learned that I can't control everything, and have loosened my grip on many things, mainly my own family. I've learned that actions speak louder than words.(I learned that one the hard way!) I've seen impossible dreams come true. And I've come to grips with the fact that even if I receive the things I always dreamed of, it still leaves me yearning for more. Left to myself, I will constantly be blindly reaching. I'm sick of feeling that way! So I've basically learned to accept life as it comes, accept people for who they are, and leave the rest in God's capable hands. I've curled up in His lap & cried it all out to Him more this year than in years past. I've left a lot more up to His wisdom. I've almost, in a way, given up. Not given up hope, but given my hopes & dreams to Him to handle. Even when things don't turn out the way I wish they would, I know deep down that His ways, His plans, are always better. Even when I can't see it for myself. And there's been a LOT of that this year. So much hidden, so few answers. I pray that prayer once again at the beginning of this next year....Lord please reveal some more pieces of this puzzle that You've been putting together, called my life. I have a strong feeling that this year is going to open up a whole lot of new doors, and I know that He has made me ready. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure!

So, all that being said, my main goal of 2001 is to hold tighter to Him than ever before, and follow Him to wherever He leads me...